i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
