nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
