i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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