I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
