i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
