i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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