So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Found the puke drawer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
