I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize