Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
