Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
