I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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