He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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