My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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