So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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