oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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