I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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