She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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