so that wasnt chicken after all
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How's work?
Spinning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Couch. On fire.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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