Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
