Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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