it wasn't lemon gatorade
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
