Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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