You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
