Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
