Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
