cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
