Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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