1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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