I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
