Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
