in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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