i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
