I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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