Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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