Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
