He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
