YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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