I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
