You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
