You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
