Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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