WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
