i already hear my dad disowning me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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