WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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