Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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