brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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