my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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