Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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