Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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