Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
