i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
