just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
