An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
