We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
