just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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