Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
